I Want To Please You. Please You, Baby.
-Warning. This post is an affirmation. Don't read this if you don't care. x-
Home. Sitting here in my white shirt and black pants...(and hot new belt), cufflinks off...God this Tom Ford facade is so draining. A glass of 1993 Margaret River Semillon in one hand.
My suit, which symbolised everything that was power and strength in my life, are now a disfigurement of my distorted and evermore confusing personality. Just get this shit off me.
Had a little revelation today about DCU. Two extremes that exist in my life are narrowly pin pointed by my work place. I'm so tempted to strip away everything and just have 'life and love'. Mary J. God. I'm referring to Mary J. My work environment at the moment is, in a word, draining. Awaiting for new stock which is arriving tomorrow makes the minutes feel like hours, makes every client feel like a repetition of the abomination that is society's clause over retail whores. It makes you think that there is NOBODY nice out there.
There's the DCU that wants to just have a proper 9 - 5 job. Sit behind a desk, deal with cool people, and earn good money. Go home and have the tranquil lifestyle... The husband, the house, the success, the love. Then there's the other option. The fuck off DCU that's still in love, still with the husband... But with fame, glory and immeasurable amounts of success. Either way I want the world, which is completely naive, but 'who I am'. God, now it's freakin' Brandy references.
Luke pointed out my progress at work and how I only accepted this position, not as a challenge, but just to have the title. I knew I could do this job before I started... I pretty much was manager before I got the title. And now that I have the title, I want more. It's now deservingly printed on that paper listing my experience. Perhaps it's a negative to make too many positive steps, but when I have no motivation to go higher within this company, why should I stay? Gimme more, more, more!
I'm wasted where I am, I know I'm better than this, and I can take on more. At the end of the day, who the hell cares that I can pin a hem, that I can sell 14 items to one person, or that I can make 18k in one week. It's like coming out of school and having 'experience at downball'. No one gives a fuck. What's worse is that I can take steps in any direction, but it all depends on where I want to go. You may be able to walk, but you can't get to where you want to go if you don't know how to get there. And that's what sucks about me. I wish my youth would just piss off so I could make a real decision. The naivety needs to die, and some realism must be recognised.
What's worse is that all the lives around me are making mine sound like Melrose Place. I'm sick of the hysteria, the childish antics, the relationship woes, the indecisiveness of everyone else. It's time for everyone in my life to make decisions and just live. I can't be there for everyone for everything, all the time. It's time for me to move forward. I'm becoming a scattered (little) fag. And I need to pull away from that.
PunkOnAir : Mariah Carey & Dru Hill - The Beautiful Ones.
Home. Sitting here in my white shirt and black pants...(and hot new belt), cufflinks off...God this Tom Ford facade is so draining. A glass of 1993 Margaret River Semillon in one hand.
My suit, which symbolised everything that was power and strength in my life, are now a disfigurement of my distorted and evermore confusing personality. Just get this shit off me.
Had a little revelation today about DCU. Two extremes that exist in my life are narrowly pin pointed by my work place. I'm so tempted to strip away everything and just have 'life and love'. Mary J. God. I'm referring to Mary J. My work environment at the moment is, in a word, draining. Awaiting for new stock which is arriving tomorrow makes the minutes feel like hours, makes every client feel like a repetition of the abomination that is society's clause over retail whores. It makes you think that there is NOBODY nice out there.
There's the DCU that wants to just have a proper 9 - 5 job. Sit behind a desk, deal with cool people, and earn good money. Go home and have the tranquil lifestyle... The husband, the house, the success, the love. Then there's the other option. The fuck off DCU that's still in love, still with the husband... But with fame, glory and immeasurable amounts of success. Either way I want the world, which is completely naive, but 'who I am'. God, now it's freakin' Brandy references.
Luke pointed out my progress at work and how I only accepted this position, not as a challenge, but just to have the title. I knew I could do this job before I started... I pretty much was manager before I got the title. And now that I have the title, I want more. It's now deservingly printed on that paper listing my experience. Perhaps it's a negative to make too many positive steps, but when I have no motivation to go higher within this company, why should I stay? Gimme more, more, more!
I'm wasted where I am, I know I'm better than this, and I can take on more. At the end of the day, who the hell cares that I can pin a hem, that I can sell 14 items to one person, or that I can make 18k in one week. It's like coming out of school and having 'experience at downball'. No one gives a fuck. What's worse is that I can take steps in any direction, but it all depends on where I want to go. You may be able to walk, but you can't get to where you want to go if you don't know how to get there. And that's what sucks about me. I wish my youth would just piss off so I could make a real decision. The naivety needs to die, and some realism must be recognised.
What's worse is that all the lives around me are making mine sound like Melrose Place. I'm sick of the hysteria, the childish antics, the relationship woes, the indecisiveness of everyone else. It's time for everyone in my life to make decisions and just live. I can't be there for everyone for everything, all the time. It's time for me to move forward. I'm becoming a scattered (little) fag. And I need to pull away from that.
PunkOnAir : Mariah Carey & Dru Hill - The Beautiful Ones.
posted by Christopher at 7:04 PM
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