Our Troubles Will Be Miles Away

And so this is Christmas...

It doesn't really feel like Christmas. But in realisation, I don't really feel anything right now but emptiness. This isn't supposed to be a depressing entry... I had an awesome night with the family, laughing through mass, singing harmonies in falsetto with Mum, making her laugh and remind her of how my grandmother would sing through church at the top of her tiny lungs.

We all sat around the dinner table tonight, and as always, I realised how much my family means to me. How much I respect them, and pray that I make them happy, and proud. Looking around the house, I could feel how much love my parents have for my sister and I, and for each other. My father had put up Christmas lights all around the frame of the house exterior, something my mother has always wanted. My mother was so proud of her beautiful new tree, glistening baubles, twinkling lights and mesmerising tinsel.

This year has definitely been a turbulent one. My 21st year. I've learnt so much, loved so much, lost so much. From my family, I've learnt that real love is ever-unconditional. And that smiles and laughter are the epicenter of what has made me the person I am. I will never let anyone take that away from me.

I sleep alone tonight. Waiting to realise happiness.

Merry Christmas guys. Be safe. Be happy.

xxx


PunkOnAir : Diana Krall - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Feel your love

Could This Be Love

Do you think there's something funny about this scenario
We ain't spent a minute apart since the day we said hello
I adore your conversation and your vibe's so sensual
Are you feeling my connection
I just wanna know

Got me holdin' on for dear life thinkin' if I'll win or lose
Cause I'm feelin' so light headed from the freaky shit you do
Has to be an explanation what is good but I'm confused
Fantasy or reality
No, I don't have a clue

Boy you got me thinkin' I'm in love with you but
Still I'm wonderin' if you feel it too
My heart just skips a beat whenever I'm with you

Could this be love
Can't get you out of my mind
Could this be love
Your touch gives me butterflies
Could this be love
Should it be?
Could it be?
Help me solve this mystery
Could this be love


- written by Janet Jackson, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis
- performed by Janet Jackson
- taken from the 'Damita Jo' era


Such a beautiful night. Spent the night at my parents place... Had dinner... Laughed and laughed. It's smokey outside from the bush fires. It's going to be a hazy day tomorrow. I still don't feel the Christmas spirit. Everyone else is going mad about Christmas gifts. It seems like everyone is eating their heads from the inside out. And stressing about spending money they don't have.

I feel odd because I'm so relaxed. I just want to have a nice Christmas day. To see my mum happy. To enjoy the company of everyone I love... not worrying about whether my friends will like the gifts I bought them. They'll be fine. When do you really ever hate gifts? Scratch that. Paulina, don't respond.

Just let the day sail around. And sail away for another year.

We sat around the table tonight talking about investment, money and so forth. Mum had a heart attack when she found out I actually did invest. She had no idea. We joked about how Mum never knew anything that happened with the money she earnt. Dad would just take it and put it away... Embezzle. Lol.

The three wicked witches (aka aunties) are coming down to Melbourne for Christmas, driving down... in my aunty's Merc. Devi and I joked about how Asian they would look with their D&G bags, their new weaves and their sunglasses, with my Uncle snoring up against the window... cruising down the Hume. It will be an interesting Christmas.

What am I going to wear?

I drove home tonight listening to Janet's 'Could This Be Love' which is such a funky and uplifting song. The lyrics are cute and everytime I hear it, I just beam with a smile. I nod my head to the beat and sing with full heart. It's so beautifully coy and sensual. Ahh. Summer with Brad. Can't wait for January. Chilling out. Good times. It's so good to have him so close.

Lights Will Guide You Home

...and ignite your bones

Elusive Kudo

*mind crunch*

Every time I have a hiatus from blogging, my mind seems to gradually shut down due to an overload of thoughts that have been kept hidden from public expression. I can tell this occurs frequently, almost in a clockwork manner, due to the way I react to friends, family... just situations in general.

I'm listening to Damian Rice... No, not the Australian Idol winner, a James Blunt-esque rock indie singer who penned the stunning 'The Blower's Daughter' from the 'Closer' soundtrack. It's beautifully tragic music. Sometimes music makes me wonder how emotively charged I am, and why my feelings only transpose through lyrical expression... by someone else.

I can completely dictate my emotions by the music I choose to listen to. It's obvious now, why I love music so much, it's the reflection of me. It's that photographic device that allows me to remember how I felt at certain times, and where I grew, what I learnt, and where I went wrong. Every song has a reflection.

Oh dear. Too deep for my liking right now. And I'm not even coming down. Hehe. (Seriously, I'm actually fine)

Pictures of our Christmas Party outfits...



We knew the KK present theme was white, but for some reason, we all ended up wearing white too. How very Asian of us. Finally two hot girls who are the perfect height to stand next to me. Oh my God. Do we look like The Corrs? And when will I ever wear this shirt again? I admit, an impulse purchase, but it wasn't completely bad... Someone asked if it was Dior... and it's AG... and they work at AG... God, how drunk were they?


PunkOnAir : Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You (on Scotty's recommendation)

Melbourne Runway

First it was the Herald Sun, then it was the London Fashion TV show, now it's Melbourne Runway. And everytime, I'm in really similar outfits. How tragic.

See here.


PunkOnAir : All Saints - Rock Steady

It's Not Who You Think It Is

sometimes you wonder
if you make them happy
if you're happy

then you hope
you hope you keep them happy
you hope they're content

then you worry
you worry they're alright
are they okay with you

then you believe
you're doing the right thing
that they won't turn around and hurt you

the craziness sets in
and before you know it
you have no time for the most important
yourself.

Just One Heart Here To Save Me Now

11:03pm

I'm sitting here until I have something blog worthy.

11:29pm

There's someone in my life, very dear to me, that I'm very worried about. Actually, right now in my life, I'm worried about everyone that's close to me.

This person in particular, is blind. Blind to the need to accept that reality does not always go the way we want it to, nor can we go throughout life running away from the consequences of our actions, searching for acceptance elsewhere that will hopefully save us and wash all our misfortunes away. From personal experience, leaving home on bad terms, running into things I knew were bad in the long run, but convenient in the present, I know how caught up one can get in the idea that tomorrow, everything will come together if you just ride the wave.

At the end of the day, that's crap. Sure, you can ride the wave, but that will never enable you to control where you end up. You have to make a move by yourself to make sure where you are tomorrow, is where you want to be, where you should be. Risking everything for something that you know may never last, especially when you have so much to lose, is scary. I know that. And sometimes it's better not to. Take the high road and work hard to sort things out. Because at the end of the day, your hard work will pay off and things will be better than you could ever imagine.

The truth will set you free. Compromise to capitalise.

How will I make them listen?


PunkOnAir : Kylie Minogue - I Believe In You

... and then we kiss

Sunday morning. The day after the AG Christmas Party, and to say I was hungover, is a major understatement. We didn't get home until around 4, when my body was aching, my head was throbbing and my stomach was swirling. Imma was sleeping next me. Faintly, I heard Justin Timberlake's 'My Love' playing on her phone. Her alert that she had received a message. She ran downstairs. I stirred and fell back into my deep sleep. It must've been around 10:30am. Sleeping peacefully, I felt someone sit down on the bed beside me, and tap my body. I turned around...

It was Brad. I pretty much jumped straight out of my skin, in a fit of shock, happiness, love and shock. And shock. We hugged, and I -almost- cried. He had driven down to Melbourne, all through the night, with friend Paul, to see me. Imma and Chalks were both in shock too. It was a pity Imma had to work though. So while she got ready, we all sat in the backyard with our coffees, reminiscing the night before, and how the guys had managed to pull off disguising the fact they were driving all night long, heavily relying on my substantial intoxication from the Christmas Party. Clever boys. It's true, I was waay to pissed by 8:30 to even fathom that their Saturday night spent driving, was actually a road trip to Melbourne.

We headed to the Dragon Boat on Little Bourke St, where we gorged ourselves on Yum Cha. Mmm. Since I've been on a little rampage trying to find 'Drawn Together' on DVD, we went to OutDVD in St. Kilda, only to find that they were out of stock. Though they did have the full box set of Will & Grace. It was only a prize though, as they're expecting the retail box sets in the next few months. It was hot.



Being a beautiful day, we then headed to the Belgian Beer Garden, where we drank Stella's and stood around (Chalks was in white shorts, ain't no way that boy be sitting down! lol). Getting the confirmation that Chalks was required to shake his bucket at the Elton John concert (World AIDS Day fundraising bucket, that is), we headed home, but not before stopping at Country Road to grab a vase for the beautiful Lillies that Brad had bought me in the morning upon suprising me.

After reaching home, we picked up Imma from work and dropped her off at the GPO to be taken home by Liam. We had made plans with Brad's mum to have dinner there and stay over, so the boys could get on the road early, and back to Sydney. So Brad, Paul and I dropped by Safeway in Mill Park and got some salad, so chips, some bread and drinks, before arriving at Sue's. We were greeted with a big hug at Sue's and after some preparation, we had dinner outside with some beers. Mmmm.

After chilling out for awhile, and since everyone was getting an early start in the morning, we headed to bed at around 10. It was great to curl up to Brad once again. I'm getting more and more used to his overly-warm body. :-)

I could say, that this was the perfect way.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - With U