Rushing home to see your smiling face

I feel a lot better now.

Miss you.

Tomorrow it's back to real life

I'm really sorry. I'm coming down after a huge night at onesixone. It feels like I just fucking everything up again. I don't want you to think I don't want to talk to you. That's never the case. Perhaps it's my nature to assume the worst. To assume that life won't take the turns I would like, just out of spite out of my past. I was upset. I am upset. We all need reassurance, most probably me more than anyone else. I need to know I'm the one. The only one. You can tell me anything, although I'd rather know everything because I'm sure I love you. And I worry. You're not here, and I'm lonely and sad. Again, I'm coming down. So maybe this is all an exaggeration of emotions, or perhaps it's my deepest emotions surfacing.

//
You got it like I like it and I feel the need to say
Baby It's forever and I really mean to
Make you feel as special as I see you baby

Never have I ever been around someone
Who makes life so free and life so fun
And as crazy as it may sound, I ain't joking baby

When I'm in those arms of yours
I'm so gone
The things I like
Can't tell me it's not right
When I'm with you
I lose myself and no one
Can make me do
What I can't wait to do
When I'm with you

I don't want tomorrow to come
And if I had my way
I'd spend every day and night in your arms
So let me lay here
And feel what happiness feels like
And wish for it to last because
Tomorrow it's back to real life
//


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - With U

The one is the breath we breathe

We're vulnerable
We're sensitive
And we're complicated people too

So many people
Rolled into one

We contain so much

So much creativity
So much energy
So many contradictions
So much confusion
So much clarity
So many moments of faith... and fear

So many different characters live within us

All looking for love


- written by Janet Jackson & David Ritz
- spoken by Janet Jackson
- 'Looking For Love' Interlude taken from 'Damita Jo'


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - Spending Time With You

Tell me you're the only one / come over here and get some

Mum just woke me up with a strange phone call from the hospital. She wants to have a thanksgiving mass on Sunday. Fair enough.

'Is everything okay?'

'Yeah. It's okay, I just want you to say thankyou, and say a prayer okay? Love you...'

Whoa.

'Love you too Mum...'

The last time we said those words was when I left her with my grandfather in the Philippines before he died. Waay too depressing to think about, so I should start saying it to her more often. The results from the operation come through today I think... So she must be extremely nervous.

I bought a new pair of Tigers on Sunday. I just can't help myself, they're just so hot, and I need more, more, more! I'm trying to get a full colour range. I need a green pair now, and also some black and white ones for my basic pair. I really should get two of the same, only because I know I'll thrash them and wear them out, then cry over the disintegrated laces and shoe particles. God help my addiction.

Paulina, Melbourne Central is only open late tonight until 7, I think. But why are you shopping there anyway? :-P Love ya baby. Not long now. Chocolate Buddha > The Workshop > onesixone.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - All For You

Just pretend that we have no more tomorrow

It was 'The Velvet Rope' day today. I played it twice at work. Every time I heard it, each song brought me back to different periods in my life. I just find it so remarkable that this album, my favourite of all time, is synonymous with so many moments in my life. 'The Velvet Rope' is an album that supports me emotionally through anything I have to face. As she always described it, it's cathartic and therapeutic.

This album was what made me connect to Janet. It made me honour her struggles, her messages, her ideology. Even as a young boy, I knew the issues she was dealing with at the time of recording the album were issues everyone would face some time in their life. Self-love, emotional abuse, depression, sex, sadness, loneliness, hope, inspiration, happiness.

The facets of imagery she saturated the album with were pure perfection and beauty. The fashions, the choreography, the poise. You don't find many artists these days who can release six singles from an album and have six totally different looks, let alone sounds, on each video/track. 'The Velvet Rope' is a masterpiece body of work. The album was met with criticism, censorship, perhaps even fear. The Jackson we all knew during the 'janet.' era was gone. Time for the smile to disappear, and for the real issues to emerge. She was no longer Penny from Good Times.

Even to this day, with Beyonce, Christina and the emancipation of Mimi, no body of work can surpass the beauty, passion and eclecticism of 'The Velvet Rope'.

Uh. Janet, you rock. Not long to go now.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - I Get Lonely

And this feeling goes on and on...

So everyone has left the Tuesday night shindig, which was originally supposed to be a lovely Summer's evening drinking session in the back patio. But of course, Melbourne weather prevailed, and the lovely warm breeze was replaced with gusto winds and scary cloud patterns.

So cut to what's really annoying me. We were watching live performances just before, care of youtube.com. After watching many classic Grammy/MTV performances, we reached a clip of Mariah Carey performing 'We Belong Together' at the 2005 MTV Movie Awards. Her performance was pretty much perfection. I remembered watching the performance when it first aired, and being amazed at the live vocal capability. There was no doubt in my mind that she was performing live vocals.

I've watched and analysed so many live performances in my time, committed them to memory, even learnt the choreography. I can mime the fuck off Christina, and can spot a mimed performance a mile away. This, I can claim, is a talent I have. Without a doubt, live performances analytically speaking, I kill 'em. Every major award show since the All Saints performing 'Lady Marmalade' at The 1998 World Music Awards, I've watched to see the quality of performances. Granted, I'm a little drunk right now, but I still know what I'm typing.

Jimi piped up with remarks about how he thought she was miming, her voice only coming through on the chorus. I love him dearly, but no. She's live. Then he cast doubt in Peta and Joey, and before I knew it, everyone was arguing with me over the fact that they thought she was miming. Imma stayed silent as she knows me and my music, and she could also see the smoke steaming from my ears. So I replayed it, gritting my teeth, and showed them her vocal faults, her facial expressions, her breaths, her physical actions...

Finally, Jimi conceded defeat. She was live. I knew she was. See for yourself.

Future reference to all... Don't mess with me when it comes to live performances. I know it's trivial, but it's me and popular culture, that is, live popular culture.

Thanks to my man, Brad, for putting up the 'banner' at the top of the page. Totally hot. And the banner's great too. ;-P *kiss*


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - And On And On

Dancin' on the floor / Feelin' the slow groove

I just got back from the hospital. And what a manic day it has been. After waking up late, thanks to my ever-so unreliable Nokia, I dashed to the Freemason, with the minutes ticking down to my mother's operation. Sprinting down the road and into the hospital, I was greeted by my sister and father, sitting in the waiting area. I'd missed her. And as I was fired with questions as to what we would have for breakfast and stupid things much to the same, all I wanted to do was cry. I was upset, because the mother that had always been there for me when I needed her in times of sickness, I had let down. We all knew how nervous she'd been in the time leading up to this moment, and I remember how happy she was when she had seen me after her last operation. All I wanted was to make her calm and realise that I was there for her. But I didn't get the chance. I wasn't there.

After a brief and somewhat rushed breakfast at McDonald's, I headed home (nautious stomach et al) for a sooky self-loathing moment on my bed, which entailed reflections on why I am so unreliable, and a whingy phone conversation to Bradley (sorry about that, love). All that I had to do today hit me like a tone of bricks. I've been so drained lately, and after the past few days, the only thing I've thought to be manageable is sleep and... sleep. But shit happens, so you've just got to get on with it.

I met Dad at the hospital upon Mum's return from recovery. She looked weak and in pain. The frown lines she had worked with Shiseido so strenuously to conceal, were showing. Nurse Betty (no joke, Irish and hysterical) was great, although at times a bit distracted, which annoyed me. Not so much because my mother was receiving sub-standard treatment, but because I could see my Mum (being a nurse) analysing the way Betty worked, and getting annoyed, which made her stressed and more irritated. But what can you do....

After a few hours there, I went over to Chalks' place to meet the steam cleaner. Idiot. Don't ask. I wasn't really in the mood to be there, my morning had been crazy, and my afternoon was surely to be draining. Thankfully, a redeeming event was the hot hot hot group of firemen that pulled up across Victoria St. for no apparent reason, just as I sat out on the balcony. Revitalised, I rearranged the furniture, cleaned the place spotless, scrubbed the Jif residue off the floor, Exit Moulded the bathroom to the point where I thought I would collapse from asphyxiation, and returned to the keys to the real estate agent. Bye Bye Bouverie. We better get the full bond back fuckin (except for the damage cost for the hole in the wall behind the bedroom door that Chalks caused).

After grabbing some McDonald's, it was back to the Freemason's for me. I just sat with Mum, pretty much in silence, ate and read trash mags. She started to feel a little ill after she received Panadol, and I helped her sit up. And she was sick. I can't stand to see her in pain, and what kills me, is that there are weeks more of intense pain and discomfort that she needs to go through. Afterwards, I tried to do the crosswords, but in my scattered state, it wasn't helping me at all. I started getting headspins at one point and lay my head on the side of the bed. Mum could tell I was tired, and she gently pushed the cushion towards me. So there I was, slumped over a chair with my head by my mother. Tear.

And so here I am now at home, sitting here listening to janet. The album of sex. Liberation. Femininity. Hot. Waiting for Imma to arrive. I'm unsure as to how I want this evening to pan out. I could pass out on my bed right now, and only arise for a bite to eat and some phone chats to Brad, or I could be social, sit downstairs, endulge in food, watch Will & Grace all indispersed with some phone chats to Brad. God I miss him.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - Any Time, Any Place.

... If you're nasty ...

Scattered as all hell for the past few days. So I decided to drag everyone out tonight and have a night at the Lexington (I know I swore I wouldn't do it again, but hey, it's medallion night, and it's free drinks for two hours) and maybe onesixone later on... Dance dance dance!

Nothing left for me to do but dance
These bad times I'm going through
... Just dance

I really need to blog. Properly blog. I need my therapy, but tonight, isn't the right time.

I spivved twice within half an hour today. Thank God. A little extra money in the kitty couldn't hurt at this time. The first was with a guy who was buying an outfit for his sons Christening. Decked him out with the new cotton suit, a shirt and the oriental tie (which is soo not oriental, but that's a whole other issue)... The second was with a woman who seemed to be browsing for her partner... I thought she'd bring him back in to try everything on. I was bored so I gave her the full service... Colour combinations, concepts, possibilities... Everything. At the end of it, she decided to take it all. Suit, shirt, tie, belt... Done. Thanks for coming! The crew was shocked.

Speaking of gift buying... What to get Paulina?! One week until her birthday, and the excitement is growing. It will be pretty easy to be honest, cos that girl makes everything look cool...

And so it begins... The countdown to Janet. Everyone pull out their Janet records and party! Time to celebrate 20 years of classic pop.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - The Pleasure Principle

Get the point? Good. Let's dance.

Janet - The Retrospective.

Saturday, September 16th : Control | Control The Remixes
Sunday, September 17th : Rhythm Nation 1814
Monday, September 18th : janet.
Tuesday, September 19th : janet. Remixed | Design Of A Decade
Wednesday, September 20th : The Velvet Rope
Thursday, September 21st : All For You
Friday, September 22nd : Damita Jo
Saturday, September 23rd : 20 Y.O.

I am officially sad. Like an I.T. nerd with a new Apple, this little Diva prefers 'A Countdown Artist Retrospective' whenever his favourite artist releases new material. Total Insanity/Obsession/Trash. You love it.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson - Come Back To Me

Love Will Never Do...

It's funny how I don't feel like writing when I'm happy. Even this entry is a bit forced. I wonder why we find it so compelling to write through our pain. I must say, I'm really happy right now. And my writing may lack in it's emotional quality.

After trying to work out my countdown to the new Janet album release, and how I'm going to schedule a discography retrospective, I realised that her strongest albums have always been during times of oppression or heartbreak i.e. 'Control' & 'The Velvet Rope'. Her happy albums like 'All For You', kind of lacked grip in some way. Her lyrical content just isn't as thought provoking when she's enjoying life. I guess happiness just makes your mind wander, and forget about insecurities and everything that you find wrong within yourself... You've got other things on your mind. Like, love, or friends, or family. Whatever it is that makes you happy.

I guess you can look at 'The Velvet Rope' and see a creative masterpiece. One built on turmoil and grief. I'd also like to be able to look at 'All For You' and see another masterpiece, it may not be as dark and confronting, but it's a masterpiece built on the positives of life. Everything in my life right now is either about Janet or Brad, so forgive me if everything I write relates to one or the other.

I bought the limited edition 'Janet - Call On Me' single off Amazon. It's expected here by next Christmas sometime... Something freakin' far away like that... I can't believe it takes so long, but at least I'm gonna get one, they're only releasing it for a week or two... Thankfully it sports the hottest cover with both Janet & Nelly on it too.

I'm having a really lazy two days. It's been such a long time since I spent my 'weekend' alone. Melbourne has had some really nice weather. Cool breezes, sunny days... I've just been lounging around Park Drive, watching TV, eating junk, listening to music. It reminds me of the days I wagged at school. I'd stay at home and just bludge. I've been crashing on the couch with my Peter A's, reading snippets of 'The Jesus Man', listening to interviews and watching live performances of Janet, skipping with my new rope and talking to Brad on the phone. After all the drama of the past few months, it's such a relief to know that normality is still a possibility in my life. Oh, and just to let you know, my happiness right now, feels like a masterpiece.

10 Days, 2 hours, 8 minutes...


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson Featuring Kanye West - My Baby

In those arms.

I'm almost always thinking about him. And when I'm not thinking about him, I think about thinking about him.

//
Never have I ever been around someone
Who makes life so free and life so fun
And as crazy as it may sound
I ain't jokin' baby

Cos when I'm in those arms of yours, I'm so calm
The things I like can't tell me it's not right
When I'm with you I lose myself
And no one can make me do what I can't wait to do
When I'm with you

When I'm with you
//


PunkOnAir : Janet - 2.0. Y.O. Album Sampler (Featuring Call On Me, So Excited, Enjoy, Show Me & With You)

don't stop... don't stop...

Hey baby boy. This is for you...

11 days, 17 hours and 34 minutes until I 'get it'. :-P


PunkOnAir : Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSound

My Sugababe.

She's leaving. And I'm going to cry. Unashamedly cry.


Dearest Babycakes,

As I sit here writing this, Joseph is on my computer playing his inane country/pop/funk/rock music, Erin is working away downstairs, and I'm sprawled out on my bed reflecting on what my life has been over the past 2 years. 2 Years with Carmel.

I still remember meeting you that warm day on the tram on Swanston Street, with your vibrant, loud and charming personality, completely grasping my heart. I knew immediately, I really did, that we would be friends - though to what extent, I did not know.

When I moved out of home in less than ideal circumstances with nowhere to go and nothing to my name, your arms were wide open - welcoming and warm. I had never felt that kind of unconditional love from any of my friends, let alone someone whom I had only known a few months. You taught me so much about generosity and open mindedness - and I attribute many of my mature characteristics to your teachings.

Your spirit and fire as an independent person, are qualities I one day hope to emulate, as watching you stand your ground is inspiring.

Now, we watch each other grow - you're moving away to a far away land - with the man of your dreams. You both make such a beautiful couple. You know, selfishly, I wish he was mean and treated you poorly, only so I could hate him and convince you to stay. But alas, he's sweet, beautiful and treats you like a princess - and I couldn't be happier for you. I already miss you so much. Our witty banter, our disgusting sexual detail, our nudey flashes... You (and your breasts) have always made me smile.

You've done so much for me since we've been friends, and on top of our usual chats and updates that we'll have for each other, just remember, I'm always here for you if you need me - anytime. Our lives go on, but our friendship is timeless. Time to rock Margarent River baby!

... Round round baby, round round...

Love,

Your Asian Baby,


Dxx

Bye-bye... Bi... Thai... whatever

A Sunday off!! Woo hoo! Feels like forever since I've had a day off, and no, Jury Duty does not count. Spent last night at a fun gaysian barbeque, the 'Bye Bye Bouverie BBQ' for Chalks. Imma and I rocked up at around 7, with bottles of feral red wine. Sorry about that, but c'mon, we bought it on Elizabeth Street. After some great lamb and potato salad, we all just sat around and chatted... In the bathroom... As we discussed outfits and plans for Sleaze Ball.

Got a great photo of Quan to add to the 'Squatter' Collection. The boys worry me sometimes, and sometimes I worry myself. It was all good though. We've pretty much sorted out our outfits for both Sleaze and Home (Tony Moran bring it on!)... Quan in white pants and white suspenders, Chalks in a white torn hoody with cargo pants and bling, and me in Fred Perry hot pants, polo, Tiger shoes and cap. For Home, we're going with black. Quan in a black low slung singlet with (?), Chalks sporting black shorts and a 2xist singlet and me in black pants and black suspenders and black mask. We were getting really excited.

After exiting the bathroom (very glamorous), we came to find the rest of the boys, playing a psycho game of Scrabble. Scrabble. On a Saturday night. We all sat around listening to music and laughing at really silly things. It was good to hang out with all of them. I haven't seen them since before my last trip to Sydney. I caught up with Freddy and Simon, finally. Beautiful boys.

After some chocolate cake and ice cream, Charles and Chalks decided to play a game of Scrabble, and after awhile, everyone joined in and changed the game to 'Dirty Scrabble'. I was fearing the removal of clothing... It was Freddy's turn first, and as I looked as his letters, the best word ever just came straight out at me... I declared that the first person to get the word 'Cunty', wins the game.

After some discussion to go 'Shopping' at The Market, Imma and I decided it was time to head home. We passed some fucked up object on Bouverie Street. Some sort of homage to bicycle accidents, or some shit. It was totally weird, Imma just stopped right next to it, and we started to take photos, to try and decipher what the hell it was.

It was a strange, but really cool night. Thanks boys.

Congratulations to Bradley J for becoming an Uncle. Ava Grace. Gorgeous girl. :-)


PunkOnAir : Janet - Together Again (Tony Moran 7" Edit With Janet Vocal Intro)

The Black Sky Danced With Stars

Jury duty was such a bore. I mean, after the 1.75 hour lunch break, I thought that it was pretty cool. 'I could get into this...' Reading my book, 'The Jesus Man' (really hot, with enough homo content to tease) and listening to my i-Pod (Christina's 'Hurt' & Janet's 'So Excited') was a great break from the dredge of work. Sitting in the pool room, it was funny to see the way people, who didn't know each other, form groups, very similar to what happens at school. The first group to form was the jock group, the jock Anglos and the jock Wogs, who took over the pool table that was missing the 8 ball. There were the older housewives that sat together reading their Women's Day's and their Danielle Steele novels. The establised intellectuals who read Business Weekly's and Economic magazines. The corporate ladder climbers who sat facing the walls with their laptops plugged in, wearing their power suits. The retirees who sit around the tables talking to each... Perhaps about lawn bowls or shuffle board... Who knows. Then there's me, the retail whore slumped in the sofa chair, anti-social, listening to music, with his head buried in a book. When did I become so solitary? And when did the world become so isolated?

Tonight we went to The Lexington for some fashion launch. Drain drain drain. We waited for the hip-hop to start in the next room, and as they set up, the DJ made me lose every ounce of faith I had in him. What's with the Jamaican tracks? And the useless sample of Amerie's 'One Thing'. I was ready to scream. Anyway...



Imma, Paulina and I went decked out in hip-hop outfits, ready to break up the floor. We walked into the Lexington, and after two minutes, the girls were back in the car, changing into something a little more glamorous. I, on the other hand, just removed my ghetto Tiger cap and stayed in the same outfit. I realised that I didn't give a fuck if I was dressed in my jeans and t-shirt with sneakers. Please, people have seen us dressed up before, and we can dress up, and I can't be fucked going to all that trouble for a show at which I have no idea what is going on. So they can just get over it.




So after the poxy house, and all the footy jocks had wandered out, we headed to the Hip-hop room. The music was pretty shite. But as soon as Kelis' 'Bossy' came on, Imma and I jumped straight up there. We were the first dancing. It was onesixone all over again. Except this time, the Lexington back room was filled with hot Asians. All from Federal Coffee. Pez. Drool. Paulina managed to successfully pull off the skanky Asian female r'n'b dancing. The small sway, the arm movements, the sneaky glances. It was hilarious. But it didn't last, so we left. Bore. But the company was good. So we had fun.

I received the most gorgeous goodnight message from Bradley J. How lucky am I? And how stunning is this boy? I can't let go. As Jimmy says, 'I'm drowning'. Minutes pass by that you've been away, but it feels like a million days.

PunkOnAir : Keith Urban - Making Memories Of Us

Kill Bill

Joseph, Erin and I just made a trip to Burger Republic on High St. North Melbourne. I love the burgers there, one often craves Burger Republic, perhaps due to the tomato relish and the fresh buns... On the burgers that is... I almost cried at Burger Republic. Something just hit me like a truck.

'Do you think you can stay extra days after the party? I want to spend some time with you...', Brad sms'd me.

'I can arrange to have the Tuesday off too. We'd need more though, right? How long you want me around me? Dx'
'Forever'

Bang. Gone. On the floor. That truck just ran over me, and Brad was at the wheel.

Brad to me, is like a breath of fresh air. I can't write why I like him, for some reason, I can't list off characteristics. The question of why I like him is one that doesn't need to be asked. I just do. There's just that chemistry. I mean, I can say that he makes me laugh, that he's so intelligent and motivated, that he energises me and makes me want to want more, and that he's incredibly sexy, but there's more to it. What I like about him can't be written down. It's that weird euphoric feeling you get when you've just accomplished something and you feel proud and validated. I've asked friends how I am when I'm with Brad, and they've seen how I am around him, and they can feel the energy that comes from me when we're together. And I know it exists. I feel it too. I just don't know how to describe it.

Sponsored by Fred Perry / Onitsuka Tiger

Alright alright. Great day today. I finally got some decent sleep, it's been almost a month. Fell asleep with hallucinations running through my head, and strange feelings running throughout my body, which has been a regular occurrence of late. Most likely due to my lack of sleep. I slept for nine hours, and had some crazy dreams, all of which I do not remember at all now. You know what I mean, when you just know the dreams were freaky.

Went to work energised, although I was feeling a little let down by the weather today. Luke was absolutely no help to me today whatsoever, so I'm fine with the idea that he might be moving on soon. Can anyone say 'Imma for Dean's 2IC'? Hell yeah.

Anyway, we got our shipment of new shoes today. I need new work shoes, as my current Dolce's are falling apart. I love them so much. How will I let go? I'll go for the new black Dolce loafers. Fucking sexy. And they fit like a glove. Haha. Love glove. Haven't heard that term in ages.

I had lunch with Liam today at Ca De Vin, which is strangely becoming our local lunch haunt. We had some wine and some Saganaki, with some almond loaf with green olive tapanade. Lovely. I went back to work, and probably from not eating all day, I was strangely tipsy. Or randy (thanks to Brad, who sent me so many photos of him in his fuckin' spunky red undies, that I could make a flip book if I wanted to), either way, I was distracted from work. Haha. I went into Prime, and saw the last pair of the Fred Perry hotpants (how embarrassing, but everyone who judges can get fucked... they look hot... right?). I need them for Sleaze. Done and done. They're white with navy blue, pink, and white trim. So I'm thinking I might wear them with a white Fred Perry polo with navy trim, and the new pink Onitsuka Tigers (with black stripes). So I may need some aviators, and then... Voila! I'm a Missy Elliott back up dancer. Ghetto Fabulous?

Imma, Liam and I all decided to ditch the fashion thingy tonight, in a bid to save some money for Paulina's Birthday spectacular, and also to catch up on some more lost sleep. So tonight, once again, I'm spending in house. No more Fashion Week thank you!

Are you ready? (Part 2)

Okay, I just found out Tony Moran is doing Homesexual after Sleaze Ball.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Oh my God. Breathe. Breathe.

Fuck. I'm there.


PunkOnAir : Janet Jackson Feat. Nelly - Call On Me (Tony Moran Remix) -- hell yeah!

Are you ready?

After my 'drama free' day on Saturday at work, I was a lot more relaxed and chilled than usual, which was great. I was in the mood for a quiet night in actually, trying to forget all the engagements that I was required to go to... Piker. Imma needed to go home and fix the house for her Father. As she hasn't spent proper time with her family in weeks. I got a call at around 9pm, telling me that she'd called Peta and we were all going out as it was Peta's first Saturday off in over a year. I felt quite energised, so I didn't realise how time had passed. After waiting for the girls to get ready, and meeting at my place, we chilled for a bit, listening to some r'n'b. So Chalks, Imma, Peta and I decided to leave for a nice night at Hairy Canary at about 11:30pm.

Driving in the car, we were all pretty hyperactive, and all I wanted to do was drink. We had a bottle of red, everyone was getting a bit hilarious. Feral hicks from the burbs staring at Peta was so not cool. And, as being her date for the night, I put my arm around her and we flirted. Quan rocked up after a few drinks, in his baker boy hat that I stole to wear. Jimmy 'Danger' met up with us after his gig too, and it turned into a couples fest. Peta and I were just left there looking awkward. We decided to both try and flirt with the a-sexual bar-tender to find out his orientation. She won. Well duh, even if he was gay she'd still win. My night was interspersed with short-yet-sweet calls to Budley. Everytime I'd get up from the table, Imma would be like... 'Brad?... So cute'. Yes indeed. The second time I spoke to him, I realised how time had flown, it was 3:30am.

After we became quite heavily intoxicated, we headed home. Everything from now was a bit of a blur. We had an altercation with some hicks outside Hairy Canary, who we told to fuck off otherwise we've pull out our ninja stars. That was funny. I was starving, so we drove to Victoria Street Macca's for some drive through.

The carpark was full of cars waiting for drive through, all playing their music really loud, so after some shoe photo-taking (a homage to Imma's famous onesixone shoe photo) we pumped Janet's new track. I was busting for a piss, so I ran to a wall outside the carpark and pissed. I'm not sure who saw me, and anyway, in my state of intoxication, I didn't care. I ordered my usual and we headed home. All sitting around the dining table, I became a little delirious and started laughing at everything. The crew needed to leave, as it was Father's Day, and we had all planned not to be hung over or tired for our families. Too late.

Fell asleep to Brad passing out over the phone. Twice. Good times.

Sunday. Father's day. The night previous I had booked to go to Bistro Vite on Southgate, which my top VIP owns. The weather was a bit chilly, and I was concerned for Mum and Dad. I'd requested a table outside, but we asked to change and it was fine. It reminded me so much of when I was young on our trip to Paris, lunching with my parents. Funny that, as it was a French restaurant. Anyway, Darren helped us out with menu selections, and he was lovely. Our meal was awesome. By the way, escargot? Escar-no. Ew. Thankfully, now that I've tried it, I don't have to try it again. I had the Coq Au Vin. I have to admit though, it's got nothing on Chalks' Coq Au Vin. Argh. Now I'm craving it.

After the meal, the family trekked to Victoria Gardens to see 'Fearless' starring Jet Li. The martial arts was choreographed superbly. The feel of the movie though was a little cliche, and there was no one hot in it. Lol. It would've been better if the story had been adapted in the style of 'Hero' or '...Flying Daggers'. It just came off a bit too Hollywood and cheap at times.

I passed out at home, as I'd only had about 3 hours of sleep, and we had a big night planned ahead, with Lexington hosting the Motorola Spring Fashion Week Launch. Liam came over and hung out in my room after he finished work. Chalks was coming in and out, as he was moving bits and pieces into the Parkville digs. I didn't move from my bed until Imma and Peta came over at about 8. The launch begun at 7:30, and it was pouring with rain outside. We potted about, trying to decide by arguing, what we would do. We all got glammed up and headed to The Lexington for a drink. By the time we rocked up it was about 10pm, and it was trashy. I forgot how bad Melbounites get at fashion parties. The room was filled with either trashy b-grade celebs, models or gay guys. The DJ needed to be shot. The only redeeming tracks being Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love'... and some Prince.

After the boys realised how crappy the music was, and busting James and Monica on their first 'couple' outing, we headed outside to decide where to head next, we weren't ready to leave without a boogie. After much deliberation, onesixone was the way to go. I'd only had a few glasses of red to drink. I was suprised how much I wanted to dance. I guess it hasn't been since Imma's birthday that I've really hit the floor.

Onesixone was quite busy, and as none of us had been there on a Sunday before, we were shocked. We all got a drink from the bar, and checked out the crowd. It was pretty typical onesix. Beautiful people, all ages, with fuck off attitudes. To my dismay, there was nobody on the dancefloor...

'Liam, doesn't anyone dance on Sunday's?'

'Nah man, they just don't know how.'

Imma and I headed straight for the floor. Fuck that, if we were going to have a good night, we were gonna start early. Laid Back's 'White Pony' came on, and after listening to Monifah's 'Touch It' over the past few days, Imma and I lost it. We broke out. Dancing like muthafuckers. Imma and Tave joined us, and the four of us started rockin' onesix. Hot Hot Hot. Within two more tracks, the floor was full. Imma and I were proud. For some reason, I couldn't stop dancing, once again, I hadn't had much to drink. But I guess I'm paying for it now with a really sore back, and leg muscles that feel like they could pull a truck.

They played an awesome funk/dirty house mix of Kelis' new song 'Bossy'. And to be honest, I wasn't such a fan, but after hearing the remix, I'm obsessed. That girl has sass. Read the lyrics... Later on, some guy started dancing with me, which freaked me out for numerous reasons. You don't go to onesix to pick up unless you're Liam (well I don't anyway, I've got Bud). You go for the music. He also had no rhythm. I mean, he was dancing like a crazy biatch, but as Imma said...

'He could dance, but he was jumping around like a monkey fighter'

Hahaha! We bailed on onesix at around 2, and headed to Supper Inn for some Asian....food. Since they were shutting at 2:30, we got it to take away and headed back to Parkville. We all sat around the table, and things got a little weird. Everyone was really tired and delusional. There was a lot of talking, and Liam being Liam, Imma being Imma, and Jimmy being Jimmy, a few disagreements started. But it was all good. We calmed everything down, and everyone was like family again. Liam passed out on my bed, so we took some soon-to-be-torturous-to-Liam photos...


Everyone ended up crashing at my place. Imma and Jimmy slept downstairs, while Liam, Peta and I slept in my room. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be sleeping next to Liam. Urrgh. Peta on the other hand.... Lol. So I slept in the middle, as there was no way in hell Peta would let Liam and his wandering hands (which I was strangely subjected to throughout the night) sleep next to her.

Liam went to work the next morning, and the rest of us slept 'til after 12. Woke up to a really nice message from Brad, and so as soon as I got up, I called him. God bless. Any call with him, and I'm just so relaxed. We then all had tea and coffee before everyone headed off.

So Monday night, I pick up Chalks for work, which strangely felt great. It's been a long time. After the GPO VIP night, Imma and Jimmy came straight over for some dinner. Liam was coming too, but he'd gone to pick up Peta... from Eltham... Can anyone spell Love? I'd gotten some take away from Ling Nam on Little Bourke. Honestly, can our lives get anymore Asian right now?

'Got me lookin' so Asian right now, you've got me all datin' an Asian right now, your food has got me eatin' Asian right now...' was what Imma and I sang all night to Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love'.

We ended up having a few drinks, and before we knew it, it was 4am and everyone was passing out again in my room. Imma wouldn't have a bar of it, and high-tailed everyone out of there. Tuesday morning became a disaster, as after dropping off Peta in Eltham and collecting some clothes from her house, Imma and Jimmy came back to Parkville to rest, at like 5am. Liam went straight home to bed. I woke up a little late, and rushed myself getting ready. Imma had decided to rock up late to work, which was fine, until I rang Liam while I was one the tram...

*muffle and rustling*

'Dean?...'

'Liam?...'

'What time is it man?'

'Quarter to ten!?'

*more muffle and rustling*

'Holy fuck, okay I'm getting ready...'

Imma ended up having to come in straight away, while Liam took his sweet time. Lol. So I was standing at work, ready to collapse. I was alright though surprisingly, and since I'm writing this entry right now, I've lasted pretty well, I'd say. For my lunch break, I wasn't really in the mood to eat, as I'd eaten enough to give birth to as many rainbow babies as Angelina wants, or Brad wants... :-P, so I headed to the GPO store and tried to sleep on their lovely carpeted back room. Liam gave me Nando's chips to eat too. Like a fuckin' squatter. It turned into Imma just talking to me most of the time, but it was good to lie down.

Oh my God, have I been that out of touch with my surroundings to not have noticed this? 8 levels high, of Kate Moss AND a hot male Calvin model. Send me to Nike Town anytime you want. Ooooh yeah.

I've put on weight over the past few days. My back is ripped after onesix, and I'm looking a bit more meaty and substantial. Time to work out and tan. As Quan and Chalks also said, I'm looking forward to the trip to Sydney at the end of the month too. Gotta look hot. I don't wanna go there looking dowdy. 'Dowdy'? What a motherly word. Lol.

So that's been my past couple of days. I'm buggered. I was supposed to have Jury duty tomorrow, but it's been postponed until Thursday. That will give me a break from work hopefully. I'm soo hanging for the new Justin album now (September 9). Can't wait to spin it on September 24th. ;-). That, or the Hi-5 album.

We have yet another fashion launch tomorrow night. I can't keep doing this, but you gotta love Fashion Week in Melbourne. Or hate it. They're passing out the Herald Sun Fashion Week liftouts in all the showbags for the week. Hateful. We're up to a total of 5 people who have randomly recognised me from there. I'd like it more if I didn't sound like such a dick in the article, and my face wasn't so fucked-up-i'm-about-to-talk-as-the-photo's-being-taken. Need rest. Need food.


PunkOnAir : Justin Timberlake Feat. T.I. - My Love

Come A Little Closer

I declared today 'a drama free' day. My own effort to subside the craziness of the past few weeks. Ignore the issues and concentrate on having a successful Saturday at work. No more of the dredgy, complacency about life.

After a heavy night of eating and talking, Imma and I stumbled out of bed, constantly changing the alarm on my phone, to give us that extra 45 minutes.

'I don't need to do my hair... I'll be fine', Imma kept muttering from under her pillow.

After waking up to another day of warm radiant sunshine, we were both quite rejuvenated by the time we got to work. The day went by at a good pace. We had a great little rush which was reminiscent of the old-school AG days, where the whole day was spent with a store full of customers, blaring sexy-house, and sales of multiple full-prices items. I didn't let myself get too involved with everyone's issues, and all except for a phone call from Paulina which almost made me end up hating the world for all the curses it brings upon innocent people, it ended up being a really nice day. The vibe in the store was chirpy and friendly, with lots of laughter with customers.

Walking through the GPO was amazing today, as they have begun their Spring Installation. Yellow and white birds (I don't know birds, so I won't even try to name them) kept in dozens of suspended bird cages hanging high up from the roof of the building. It's like an Avery. The sound is absolutely gorgeous. It is the most relaxing feeling. It's a genius idea. Albeit a little freaky. Love it.

I'm so tired right now though, having not had a good nights sleep in over two weeks. Every night I contemplate not going out, and spending quality time with myself and my blog. As what I decided to do this afternoon while at work. But alas, I'm going out with Imma and Peta for a drink. Somewhere understated and quiet, so I can relax and just reflect. Crazy lights and thumping music could make me vomit right now, so that's out of the question. And after all the family drama, I don't really want to spend father's day coming down, or hung over like a bitch. A civil night out. That's all I want.

I am so happy after Brad's trip to Melbourne. Everyone loves him and it's going well. The boy is special. I sat around at home after work, with a multitude of friends around me, while they all asked about him and inquired about him. I love it, because he's awesome and I love showing off what I've got, and because I get so excited (Janet reference - 20 Y.O. released September 26) whenever I think of him. But then at the same time, talking about him makes me miss him more than I already do, and the distance kills me. I can't just pick him up from work, I can't kiss him goodnight, I can't meet him for lunch, I can't just lay my head in his lap. It's all good though, as I know that when I do see him, it will be all the more thrilling. Everyone asks how I cope with him being so far away and each other going out and socialising without each other. After knowing that he gets along with my friends so well, and that they love him, I'm at ease. I want him to go out, and have fun, in the knowledge that I'm here having fun too. It's cool to know that someone is out there having fun and thinking of you.


I hope he knows that I'm thinking of him. :-)


PunkOnAir : Beyonce Featuring Luther Vandross - The Closer I Get To You

Seems Like It Was Yesterday...

It's been a really overdramatic day today. I'm so over it. I just want everything to go back to being mundane and normal. To me, boredom is mundane and mundane in normality. Normality is what I need.

It was a beautiful day in Melbourne, and the morning sun gave me a rejuvenation that I haven't felt in such a long time. Since I haven't eaten an orange in god-knows-how-long, my body was loving the vitamin c. There's been some really weird energy around me, maybe it's negative, positive, I don't know, but it's constantly making me anxious, and I'm ready to shake it. There are times when I feel that everything is perfect, and I'd just love my life to stay the same. But then every day, there's some sort of drama. And it always shakes me to the core.

I can't believe my mum has cancer. It's so fucked. And I haven't had a chance to cry, or to scream, or even to just think. I stood at work for 5 minutes yesterday, reflecting on the news I had received on Wednesday afternoon from my mother. Really, when everyone tells you that everything will be okay, and that it happens to everyone, it's just bullshit. The sympathy is appreciated, but my thoughts will never be positive. When she had the operation to remove the lump in her breast, I thought positive. They'd remove the lump and everything would be okay. Now that it's not, my outlook is just pessimistic. And that's the honest truth. How can I know they'll remove the cancer? They didn't the first time. How do I know the chemo will work? The cancer is so invasive.

More importantly, how do I know my mother will cope with the emotional struggle? Part of her femininity will be taken away. She can't get that back. This situation is not about me, about my sister, about my family. It's about her. And she's scared.

'Why me?' she said to me.

Inside, I lost it. Thoughts ran through my head like a Destiny's Child song on crack. 'Yeah, why my mum? A woman that never hurt anyone, a selfless, giving and the most ultimate loving woman. I have had my disagreements with her. But fuck that. Not her.'

'It can happen to anyone Mum, you'll be fine...' is all I could manage to say.

We sat alone for awhile, talking. For the first time in years, we sat beside each other and just really spoke real emotions. We joked as I tried to cheer her up, listened to inane stories about the dogs, about Dad... She told me her dreams and fears. She was really scared. I saw the tears welling up in her eyes and she confessed her fears. I shuffled over the couch to hug her and just hold her hand. Tears dropped. God, I love her so much. After everything we've been through, we managed to just understand each other. I haven't felt her love in so long, and I haven't given her my love in so long too.

I hate the thought of her going through chemotherapy. It scares the hell out of me. Really, how can we comprehend basically burning and frying something out of our body? The change in skin tone, in skin texture, the hair loss, the sickness... Everything. I don't even know where to start. There's nothing I can do.

I wish I could change everything...


PunkOnAir : Beyonce - Ring The Alarm